Dealing with suicidal thoughts? Maybe this can help

I know, the title is scary, but don’t worry. Even tho I had some rough patches in my life, I never had suicidal thoughts. I always felt it was something morally wrong, almost equal to taking someone else’s life. Many consider that you are the owner of your life, so you decide everything around it, including giving up on it for good. If you think about it, the fact that you have a life, that you breathe, is not actually your possession. You didn’t create the living force inside you. You received it at birth, as a gift. So are you allowed to end it?I don’t really know how often people talk about suicide, but what I know for sure is that since I was a child, I was surrounded by people who threatened to do it, who considered doing it, and who actually did it, or at least was about to do it.

If you are one of those people, maybe it’s not a coincidence you stumbled upon this blog post. Keep reading.

On my path towards spirituality I gathered some information by reading a lot, by meditating and also from dreams -information that gave me a lot of hope in my difficult times. I’m going to share some with you. Maybe you will find comfort in what I will say, maybe not. If it doesn’t resonate with you that’s OK.

Buddha is quoted as saying, “Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.”

Before we reincarnate into a new body, we basically know where we will live, who is going to be our family, and what character we will be. We also have a “soul family” , souls that come together in the same period on Earth,to support each other or to help one another learn things. We also choose some spirit guides or they are chosen for us. A kind of guardian angels, that live in the spirit world, but watch over us, and guide us to follow the path  that we intended.

If for example in this life you intended to learn patience or forgiveness, it is possible you chose a family where your parents are very difficult people and give you hard times. It was an agreement between you and them. If you wanted to be an artist, it is possible  one of your parents is also an artist to introduce you as a child to this area . To find out what was your intention to learn in this life, look carefully at them and see what’s bothering you. That is one of your lessons. You can’t run away from family. That’s the whole point. If you have a friend who is bad to you, you can avoid him and never see him again. Simple. But if it’s from your own family, you can avoid them for a while, but it’s still there a strong connection, especially with parents and siblings. Don’t fight against it. You wanted to be like that.

Everyone searches happiness in life. In our current society, we strongly believe that a job, a house, a good pay check, traveling, a relationship , brings us happiness. The truth is, those things encourages us to be happy. But it doesn’t make us happy. Happiness is a choice. Is just by saying, “I am happy from now on”. The more we search in the external world for happiness, the more empty we become inside. If by chance, the external pleasures disappear, we find ourselves so empty, because we haven’t discovered the treasure and the beauty of our soul. And that’s when depression kicks in.

Happiness is like a butterfly, the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder”

Henry David Thoreau

What is our purpose in life actually? Why do we come here? For every person the answer is very different , but there is a common goal :to raise the frequency of the planet.

Emotions such as anger, hatred, suffering, shame, guilt,

judgment, and lust make us feel more physical, because they carry a frequency that is slower and more like that of physical objects. However, the more elevated

emotions such as love, joy, and gratitude are higher in frequency. As a result, they are more energy-like and less physical/material.

Some people are born with a natural light in them. They don’t have to do a specific thing. They just have to be. They are the kind of people that always have a smile on their face and it’s really nice to be around them. Most of them don’t know about their ability, but they are capable of raising the frequency of an entire shopping mall or city. Usually their soul is very old and they lived most of the time on other dimensions or other planets, where the frequency is very high, and they volunteered to come to Earth to help out. They run by the names of Indigos ,Star Seeds, Crystals or Rainbows.

Other people have the ability to raise the frequency through a talent ( a book, a song, a dance video etc). Haven’t you noticed, that when a specific song plays on the radio, the entire energy of the room changes? It can be powerful.

Others just by doing the little things. The small things.

We cannot do all great things. But we can do small things with love”

Mother Teresa

Because of the thousands lives we have, on this planet or on other planets, there is a lot of “baggage”, so our memory is erased when we are born. Not all of the lives we had were good. We might of died in a tragic way. Or had all sorts of conflicts. So it’s better to start fresh.

Because of free will (a law that dominates the Universe), we sometime move away from our initial path, we start to feel lost and a black period may begin. Some call it ” the dark night of the soul”. The spirit guides and angels want to help us, but can’t interfere because of the free will.

To receive help from the spirits we must allow them to help us. This is done through prayer. Here are two of my favorites:

Oh God, help me believe the truth about myself, no matter how beautiful it is”

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can

And wisdom to know the difference”

When I say God, don’t imagine a bearded man. God is in plants, in animals, God is in us. God is love, actually.

Much God to you all.

Working with clay

There are a multitude of types of clay out there, with different textures, different drying temperatures and different colors.

When I first started making jewelry, almost 7 years ago, there weren’t that many shops online from which to buy supplies ( modelling clay included), but after seeing pictures with creations made by others, I was hooked and wanted to try it at all costs.

I remember my first experience with clay was a total disaster. I bought modeling clay for kids-the one that never dries , from the office supply store, and after creating some beautiful butterflies, I covered them in a thick layer of wood lacquer, in the hope that they will dry and harden.

It was a hot day of summer and after a few hours, the lacquer cracked and the inside melted and turned to goo.

The second experience with clay was no more successful. After I went to University in a bigger city, with more possibilities, I discovered an art shop that sold clay for making pottery. I hoped  to make small disks for earrings, that I could paint afterwords.

The clay was really hard to work with, not only being rigid, but also very messy, because it was designed for creating pottery, not small pieces. A 2 kilogram pack was thrown in the garbage.

The third time was a charm. One day while shopping at a hypermarket, I discovered an area with crafting materials. They also sold these small packages of modelling clay for kids, in all sorts of colors, but with the promise that it dries at room temperature.

I bought a few colors and started creating. Unfortunately this clay was so soft and light, that it became almost impossible to create any realistic figures. Nevertheless I continues creating all sorts of abstract formations, combining metal pieces and beads, and creating some really cool and colorful brooches.

From all I made at the time, this is the only one remained, after all these years, some being sold, some being lost. Of course the one bellow is a little reconditioned, offering a leather backing for more stability.

At some point I found air drying clay specialized for making jewelry in a crafting store, online.

This clay was also soft and light, but more easy to work with, and I finally managed to fulfill my dream of making painted earrings.

Years passed, and clay became a must have in my home as a crafter. As we speak I have half a package in my drawer.

I experimented and experimented and made all sorts of creations, that are very dear to my heart.

Energy and spiritual wise, clay is the most absorbing. You must use your hands to model it, leaving fine lines of fingerprint in every piece, but also a small print of your heart.

If you ever consider of making a handmade gift for someone dear to you, clay is the best way to go. If you don’t trust your hands, you can also use cookie cutters, or the ones specially designed for cutting clay.

Even the scraps that remain, covered with the right tones of paint, can become a unique piece of abstract art.

And when the time is right, the perfect piece will emerge into your mind, and your hands will work on their one, to bring an idea to life. It’s just beautiful. It’s magic.

If you are from Romania you can buy some of my last creations, by clicking here.

Lots of love to you all.

My Dancing Story : How I started dancing on YouTube

1. Before YouTube

My first memory of me dancing was in the kitchen in front of my mother and grandmother, during some random song from the radio. I think I was around 6-7 years old, and I have no idea why I did a performance in front of them, because I was really shy.  They were not really that impressed, because kids do all sorts of silly dances all the time, and it’s something normal.

But not for me. Every time I see or hear about a child dancing in front of people, I am amazed and thrilled, with almost tears in my eyes, because I know it’s more than just a silly dance.

My dancing comes from the soul, it’s something I already know and it’s natural for me.

Sure, I do learn moves by observing others, but 90% of it is pure improvisation.

During school I had low self esteem, faced bullying and stressful situations, so I injected happiness in me through dance, in the morning before school, or after school, but making sureno one was at home!

I felt like a MTV star every time, imagining myself dancing on a scene, in front on many people and everyone I knew, and watching their shocked faces, at the bold dancing moves of this shy and quiet girl.

2. Michael Jackson

In my opinion Michael Jackson was a high degree spiritual being, who incarnated to Earth to uplift the planet, with his music and dancing.

There are songs like “Rock with You” , “Billie Jean” and “Thriller” , that makes you move your body involuntary, and also songs like “Heal the World” or “Man in the Mirror” with deep lyrics, full of truth.

I consider myself lucky to grow up with Michael present a lot on the music channels on TV and Radio.  In the 90′ s he had some great hits like “They don’t care about us”, but there were also a lot of documentaries and interviews with him from the 80’s or beyond that.

Whenever I remember my dancing at home in my childhood, I think of Michael, because he really inspired me, and gave me energy to dance and be myself.

3. TakeSomeCrime

Approximately  in my 3rd year of college, one of my room mates showed me a YouTube Video, with a guy dancing in his room.  My first though was, “hey look, there are other people who like to dance by themselves in their room at home…hmm”. My second thought was ” WOW..he is so good…and confident to film himself…I wonder how I look when I dance”.

So there it was. The seed was planted. Now what it remained to do is to wait for the perfect time to film myself and see how I look when I dance.

I soon discovered TakeSomeCrime had a lot of videos besides that one, and most of the songs that he used sounded sooo good, and made me want to dance all day.

He basically introduced me to the music style “electro”- electro pop, electro house and electro swing- and I was thrilled.

He became my new idol and inspiration. I started to aspire to become as cool and skilled like him, dreaming of growing my YouTube Channel.

He also had a list of other YouTubers on his page, that also danced, that he called “Criming”, and from time to time gave a favorite to one of their videos. Every time he did that, a lot of his viewers would go and watch, giving them more popularity and subscribers. Plus , Youtube had a feature back then, that went like this : if you subscribed to someone, then a pop-up would appear with all the channels that person had on his list, and suggested you to subscribe to them also.

So it was really lucky to be in someone’s list that had lots of subscribers per day, cause that would bring you at least 30% from those to your channel as well.

4. Keeping secrecy

The time came, and I found myself alone in a Friday night, ready to dance and film myself.

In our head…our dance is the best thing ever, but once you watch yourself do discover it’s not that special as you thought.

When we look at others we might think, hey I can do that, but it’s not that easy. Maybe it’s because our thoughts and feelings are at a higher speed than our body, and we have to become conscious of that to start pumping more energy to the body.

Nevertheless, I created my YouTube channel, and I named it MistiqueL. Mistique coming from Mystery, because I wanted to keep it a secret. Also from the character Mystique from X-MEN because at my first videos I applied some bold effects that made my skin look blue, so no one would recognize me. And the “L” from MistiqueL comes from my name “Laura”.

So a secret Laura, full of mystery.

One day, I made a video with me dancing wearing a poncho with fringe. Even with the blurred faced, all black and white to hide my identity, I discovered clothing can have a real cool effect in a dance, so I sent a message to TakeSomeCrime, to suggest him to wear one in his dance videos. He seemed pretty eccentric to consider it, so I took a shot and wrote him.

I never thought he would answer. My expectation was bellow 10%.

But he did. And not only that, he also said really nice things about my dancing, about the way I move my hands. He gave a favorite to one of my older videos, and added me to his List of “Criming”. I was now one of them.

I started to receive comments and subscribers, and I got hooked,  feeling now a duty to post videos any chance I got.

Even tho my Channel was growing in video and subscriber count, I didn’t tell anyone, except for a few very close friends.

I feared judgement. In my country these things are seen  in a bad way, especially if you are a girl. I feared people would relate this with me showing off, trying to get attention, even in a sexual matter, not understanding the art behind it.

5. Obstacles

Oh wow, there were so many…

The space in which I had to dance.  If you search my older videos, a lot of them are filmed in a very small and crowded space. That was my dorm room, that I shared with at least two other  girls.

And the chance of them leaving at once in the weekend, was really low, so there was little privacy for me to make videos.

I was really poor. I did had a camera, that I bought second hand from a guy in the campus, but one time when I was filming I dropped it on the ground and the lens shoved inside, breaking it.

I wished to have a tripod, but I couldn’t afford it. I had to always put my camera on tables, with chairs on top or boxes.

After my camera broke I had to barrow cameras from others.

My computer. It was so old, that while the video was saving, it simply powered off, because of a heating problem. And when I say computer I mean desktop computer not laptop. It also had a really noisy cooler, and worked in slow motion.

I lost some videos forever, because of the SD Cards. The files got corrupted and there was nothing I could do about it.

The music. Some people think that I just hear a song somewhere, and then I dance to it, even make money out of my video. Well it’s nothing like that because of something called copyright infringement.

Every song that I dance to is owned by someone. The more popular the song is, the more chances the video will be blocked worldwide.

One day, I got a message from a singer that asked me to delete my video, using one song of hers. I was devastated, because I loved that video so much, so I tried to convince her to let me keep it, and I will add links to her website or anything she wants.

Without even replying to me, I received my first copyright strike, with the video being deleted by YouTube by force.

That’s pretty bad, because if you receive 3 of these, your account will be closed forever.

Well that expired after a few months, and I was on track again, until this August.

I have to keep my fingers crossed that no other owners will change their minds and strike me in these 3 months. My current status is standing in a piece of string as we speak. For now, they know I’m using their song, but they let me use it, as long as they run ads on my videos, or something like that.

The Haters. All these viewers coming from takeSomeCrime’s Channel were a blessing but also a wave of hate. I also got features by bands who owned the music I danced to, that gathered on my Channel all types of people.

“hahahahahaha, your face looks stupid”

“I’m gonna make a new acount to dislike it again”

“holy shit ,it’s either a transgender or homo, I do know it’s ugly. Just my opinion!”

“Nothing Special in this dance, Everybody can do that so. Well you Dont gonna be a star sorry”

“no style…and no shame”

“What the hell did my eyes just witness?Cx”


“What the hell u look retarded”

“that girl is ugly wtf is wrong with you people?”

“dont dance again please”

Well guess what? I didn’t listen, and I’m still dancing to this day.

6. The Reveal

The first faze of the Reveal was by accident. One day my mother discovered a video on my computer, because she was using it too, during the summer vacation when I was at home. To my surprise her reaction was really good, and she wanted to share it with all the people she knew, and I was a big “NOOOOOOOOOO”.

Later on, one of my room mates saw my screen while I was editing a video. “Is that you? Were you dancing?”…”Uhm no, that’s not me, I mean …yes it’s me”

Her reaction was ok too. She even said there’s nothing wrong with that. I felt pretty good.

The second faze of the Reveal was initiated by me. I was in my last year of college, figuring out what to do as a final project for the diploma. After choosing a teacher as a mentor and deciding on the project, I received at home a PCB with FPGA microcontroller to program.  The socket for power was really unstable, with the cover keep falling off. One morning , I was trying to pull the socket out, and being sleepy I wasn’t really paying attention or thinking, and I touched a piece of metal connected to 220V. ( I hope I described this correct, I’m not a wizz in electronics)

That touch send me a big shock of electricity through all my body, and I felt my heart stop for a moment.

My next thoughts were that I could have died that day, without sharing my passion with the world.

That was just the kick I needed. I went out that evening, somewhere outside , in a more hidden place, with a church in front of me. ( it had tall fence and I could place the camera on it)…and… I did my thing.

The next morning after editing it, I upload it to YouTube, and after that, I post it on my personal Facebook Page.

For a while nothing major happened. A few likes and comments. No biggie.

But then, one of my colleagues from school, post one of my older videos on the Facebook Group, where we shared school related information, like exams, schedules and things like that, with a comment, that went something like ” look at her what she’s doing, haha.”

My worst nightmare came true. The feeling of being judged. After this, something really interesting happened. They divided into 2 groups, the haters and the supporters. I was really impressed and shocked to see some of my colleagues defending me. I wasn’t expecting that.

7. Being Free

Now it was official. Everyone knew, I could post all my new videos on my Facebook Page too. I felt soo free. And the best part was that from that point my dancing really improved, showing me that all those negative thoughts and guilt around it, made me more stiff.

I can say that over the years my dancing didn’t improve because I learned new moves or exercised.  It improved as I let go more and more of my fears, and revealing who I truly am.

My dancing is done on the spot. I turn the camera on, I play the music and I dance. No plan, no choreography , no nothing. Although I do think of what clothes to wear, what will fit the style, but sometimes I just dance with what I’m wearing right then.

This is also one of the reasons my videos are not shared by people, making them more popular.

They are something more intimate that you usually don’t see on social media and TV. And if someone shares something like that, it implies he/she enjoys it and it may imply he/ she likes doing the same? That’s embarrassing. They don’t want to show people how they really are.

Well, people are changing. And I feel that more and more are discovering who they really are and sharing it with the world and being free.

Before I end this long story, (thanks for reading all through it by the way), I also want to share some wonderful comments I received along the years. I mean there are haters, but they represent less than 10% of what really is. Let’s focus on the positive side.

“Go girl!! 🙌🙌🙌💕💕💕 Your videos make us happy 😊😊🎶🎶”

“u made my day!!😍💞”

“wow i really like this… it speaks to me spiritually and i cant keep my eyes off of your dance moves when you do those dance moves. keep them up… it means a lot to me and my family that you keep dancing! we put your videos up on our flatscreen because you make us all so happy…hehe gtg though, mom wants to use the pc!!!”

“The way you dance and ‘ fantastic and every detail that you care for him , in every single movement , is ‘ it makes a simple dance but rally is’ very complicated . Keep it up ‘ Are you really exceptional 😊😊😊💕”

“Great song MistiqueL …and what a great energy you give us !!! 😉”

“Want a girl that has fun dancing however shes feeling the music. You’re simply amazing. 😊”

“Made me smile at the end of a tough day, thanks :)”

“still watching this in 2016, still makes me happy :)”

“I dont speak english but…you make me want to say some words…Genial ! Great !…You are not dancing…you are flying over the floor in a beauty way…thanks a lot !!”

“I just discovered you and I really like all your dancing videos. You inspire me to start my own dancing vids on my channel but I am too shy I think. You go girl!”

“Do you realize that every time you post one of these videos it immediately goes into a playlist with a bunch of other dance tracks that I then dance to? I can find my own tracks, but I like your tracks and they’re the kind of thing I wouldn’t really select on my own. My selections are always a bit more aggro, or kinda hipsterish, but yours are always more fun, the kind of thing I could see a room full of people dancing to, but mine, I don’t know about that. You aren’t afraid to enjoy something like I Fink U Freeky, so I end up enjoying it too. Your stuff’s always a bit more funky as well. I know there’s not a lot of views on these vids, but if you wonder whether anyone cares, well, I do. I don’t really watch them, since I’m too busy shaking my own ass while the video goes.”

“Well i just love this and keep coming back to it, even years later. i love the song itself, how the video is set up, how you use the space, and because you’re moving your body how you want to and it seems like you’re having such a great time. What comes out is pretty fantastic, free, spontaneous, kind of geeky, kind of cool, kind of don’t-give-a-crap, reminds me a bit of what i feel like dancing. i hope you’re still doing your thing :)”

“Wow! Ur so fearless. I have an obsession with YouTube dance videos. The first videos i ever saw made me just want to learn! I love dancing in my room too but could never post a video! I admire u! Plus your transition is so awesome to see. It was funny with the scarf in the beginning ha-ha, I like a hat or something. Anyway, u rock! 👌😉🎧”

“Happy new year from Berlin, Germany. Your dancing keeps me smiling and encourages me to try out new things for years now. Keep on dancing, sweety ;)”

“Oh my gosh….. Loved it. You always feel the music so well! I definitely smiled throughout the video. I always get excited when I see that you’ve posted another video. Keep dancin, and keep doin what ur doin. :)”

“This is me throwing my arms in the air and screaming “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”. If you listen very close on a quiet night you can just hear the echos allll the way from Ohio. More pretty please. With sugar on top.”

“waaaah girl you’re hella awesome, dangg! there was lot’s of more stuff I was gonna say but it’s like 6 am right now where I live. you see.. so I’m kinda tired :p ,,,but just wanted to show some love and let you know, I enjoy your videos. I have watched 3 so far, and loved them ^^. I really should be thanking the person who posted one of your video’s on the Grimes facebook channel, otherwise I would’ve missed all this.. anyway, keep doing what you love ^_^ Peace”

“Its been awhile since I’ve commented. Wanted to let you know you’re still awesome! I love the flowing movements that have made more appearances recently. Keep it up girl! Do what you love and forget anyone who tells you otherwise!”

“Retard? hell no, you just dance it like it is. Thanks for putting a smile on my face.”


Well, THANK YOU for putting a smile on my face and moist in my eyes. There are many more beautiful comments out there, a lot of them being in french, spanish or german, forcing me to use Google Translate from time to time.  Thank you thank you thank you!

Much love to you all!

My morning routine

Usually I wake up on my own, between 5:30 and 6:30, but I always set the alarm as a backup at 6:33.

After getting out of bed, and going to the bathroom, I drink a glass of water, and make a 15-20 minute Yoga session.

If you never did Yoga before, I recommend Lesley Fightmaster (yes, that’s her real name) . She has a 30 day yoga challenge for beginners, which I enjoy very much.

Her voice is so soothing and she always ends the videos with a quote to inspire you for the day. You can check her challenge here.

After yoga, I prepare some herbal tea, and eat breakfast.

The breakfast I usually prepare the night before, in a small jar. It consists of multiple type of seeds , including chia, soaked in banana or apple smoothie, with cinnamon or cacao powder.

I once saw on social media a quote that said “Don’t trust a person that never drinks coffee”. I hope it was just an advertisement scheme because I never drink coffee ! Caffeine agitates me and honestly I can see a use for it if  you have to do something that you don’t enjoy and you need a violent kick to force yourself to do it.

Would you still need it if you would start the day working at something you are truly passionate about? Just wondering..

There are a lot of people addicted to it, and they drink it even when they had a good night sleep. Without it, some experience headaches or other unpleasant symptoms.

In such a scenario it must be hard to give up coffee, but if you are really determined you can do it, and replace with green tea , black tea, a smoothie, a fresh juice or even a simple apple.

If you are not willing to give it up, that’s ok too, accept it and  make drinking coffee a relaxing habit in which you embrace life with every sip.

Speaking of relaxation, my top favorite drink in the morning is chamomile tea. Mmmmm…….

It calms me down when I am stressed and I noticed that I’m more productive and full of energy when I’m calm.

Still body, empty mind, ready to embrace the day, and receive fresh ideas from the Universe.

Much love to you all.

What's the point in life and how to find out

Do you ever ask yourself what’s the point? More specifically, what’s the point of life? What’s the point of getting out of bed in the morning?

I never asked myself this in a serious way, but I started to feel lost and confused about a year ago.

I thought that I would be happier with more money, less stress , a better job,  and after getting all of those I realized, that wasn’t it. What’s the meaning of my job in software engineering? Is it really meaningful to work for a big corporation?

I already started a Youtube Channel with crafting tutorials, but is that what I really have to do in life? I mean, it’s a nice hobby and all, but meh..

What am I supposed to do for the rest of my life and be happy? What is my purpose in life? Everyone says, do what makes you happy…Well…I like dancing, and painting, and drawing, and jewelry making, and working with clay, and sharing crafting tutorials, and reading, and writing , and cooking, and that’s a lot, I can’t chose one!

After  reading many books , soul searching and dream interpretations I discovered something.

The grand purpose in life is very simple and it consists of serving others.

That doesn’t mean you should go feed the homeless for the rest of your life, acting all Mother Teresa.. unless that’s what you really feel deep down and hands down for that.

Serving others can happen indirectly as well and it can consist of little things, not necessarily grand acts . Speaking of Mother Teresa, here’s a great saying of hers:

“We cannot all do great things. But we can do small things with great love”. Beautiful said.

Do you like cooking for your spouse or children? Sprinkle love on that. Don’t cook with anger.

Do you like writing? Write a book. You can end up inspiring hundreds, changing lives for tens, and saving a few from suicide. Who knows?

Do you like painting? Take an afternoon and create something and really be present. Trust me, your happy energy resulting from this can spread all around, and uplift people in your whole neighborhood, without them even knowing . Same goes for dancing.

We are energy. All our thoughts and feelings are open to the people leaving near us. Have you ever heard of the term “energy vampire”?  You don’t have to be super emphatic to sense a person who brings you down from a distance, by just being in the same room. Usually those type of people have a constant fight with themselves in their head.

Do you hate washing the dishes? here’s a little secret. Washing the dishes is really easy. But the thought of washing them is the hard part. Just let it go, and be present. Feel the water on your hands, and the clean surface of a dish after it’s clean.

Choosing a purpose in life from a list of things I like doing is nonsense. I will just let life flow, and enjoy every second of whatever I’m doing, uplifting myself and others through me.

Don’t wait for happiness. Chose to be happy, and more happy things will be attracted to you.

Much love to all of you.

2 Months of Unpaid Vacation

Today began something exciting and scary for me. I took two months of unpaid vacation , from my full time job as a software tester.

Although I wanted this so bad, I feel a lot of pressure to finish everything that I planned to do. One of the things from my huge list is to write in this blog every day, considering I have never written a blog like this before, exposing my thoughts and feelings through words. Usually I prefer expressing them through dance, painting or jewelry making.

I will also have to spend a lot of money from my savings on utilities and food, savings that were usually spend on traveling and hobbies. I can’t say this is affecting me that bad, it’s just a bit unpleasant.

The huge list that I mentioned , consists of activities and ideas that I wanted to bring to life for the past 2-3 years, but never had the energy and time to finish or even start such projects . I guess some people can relate.

In the first week, I plan to open an online store, on the most popular website specialized in handmade goods here in my country, but not to share my newest creations, but my stack of old jewelry and home decor items, that I gathered over the years, and that I left abandoned after I got my full time job.

During collage I used to participate at craft fairs pretty often, and also had time to manage some online posts and facebook page.

Now the poor things sit in boxes, and I feel them like a heavy rock over my shoulders , because I want to share them with the world.

The work I have to dedicate to this project is really discouraging . For example today I barely managed to sort a few jewelry , take photos of about 30 items, and post on the website about 10 items.

I think I have in total around 300 items, and half of them need a bit of reconditioning or how we artists like to say : a makeover.

I’m also mentioning that the site administrations is not free, and that handmade items are not a priority for the buyers in my country. So my expectations are not high, but at least I have to try.

Edit: you won’t be able to buy any of them because I offer shipping only in Romania, but you can take a look here if you are curious.

Other things in my list : create more DIY videos for my YouTube Channel The Fluffy Hedgehog. I have a lot of ideas written down,  and I can’t wait to get to them.

Also MistiqueL, which is my  dance videos YouTube Channel, is a part of my soul that needs attention.

I want to expand and bring more sales on my Etsy Shop TreasureFriends.

Write a book, or at least start a book and see how it goes.

Finish this website and populate it with all the above, plus this blog.

Normally someone would say : “Wish me luck” . But I don’t believe in luck.

I’m aware that disappointment arises when things don’t work out as planned. That’s why I’m keeping it flexible, trying to learn as much as possible, and sharing it with you, maybe it helps in some way.

I heard somewhere that it’s insanity to expect changes in your life when you do the same thing every day. That’s why I’m making something different starting today, and I’m very curious to see where it leads me.

Much love to you all.